Of emotions:

Sometimes, all I need is to do a little prying around when I am in this volatile emotional state and it immediately sets of certain alarm bells in my mind. I can feel it coming and recognize those emotions, oh so well. it’s coming, its coming, and I hope I dont mess up taking every emotion captive to Christ.

i feel it, it’s coming.

& this week, its just been difficult dealing with raging emotions and having everything crash on me. I think I am more sane now, now that my mac has crashed on me at least thrice when I had to write a paper and do a presentation. this time, it has never failed to crash again. I am nonchalant about all the information that I am potentially losing. just spiffed that I need to get work done, and it’s just more troublesome and difficult without having a mac at my beck and call. oh wells, I knew God was teaching me to be patient when I impatiently restarted my computer as it was conducting some update thing, just because I had pressing work to do. I should have been more patient! I’m learning to deal with it, by taking the trouble to stay extra hours in the library to watch the assigned film, to cut extra clips from the presentation film, to write a paper… instead of wasting time moping over something that cannot be changed by moping.

Of random strangers:

Besides being in this highly sensitive mood due to stress (yo estoy muy estresado) last night I had a stranger scream at me: “ARE YOU JUDGING ME” (stranger, albeit was really drunk) and I was stunned. perhaps she thought I had thoughts floating around my head regarding the fact that I saw her exit a certain guy’s room in nothing but a sweatshirt. I am not angry that she did that, but just disappointed with myself that despite seeing her in the toilet for the second time in the morning (she screamed at me at night), I didnt ask for her name. I didnt make a friend. I could have. while other people thought that she was really weird as I related the story, I saw glorious opportunities to the entrance of someone’s life… she must have had some reason why she exclaimed that whole judgmental situation loudly. but sad, I didnt stretch out my hand and say: ” hi my name is Abigail, what’s yours?” well, the next time she comes around, I’ve made a mental note to remember to ask for her name and then make a friend, and then, it perhaps could be an entry into a beautiful friendship, or not. but I’d leave that to God. but first, I need to extend my hand, and next time, I will. I hope I meet you again.

Of acapella groups and lovely songs:

besides attending an awesome concert by Knightingales and a guest performance by Maclister’s premier all-men acapella group. and besides gushing over a certain winsome acapella guy (who can sing, and has a good sense of humor) , is the renewed love for The Weepies, I gotta have you:

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Itry to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I’m taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I’ve gotta have you, I’ve gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there’s no spring in the middle this year
I’m the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won’t be warm till I’m lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune…

Of many thoughts:

so does close proximity cloud my view of how I see the situation? maybe I’ve misread, misunderstood, am deluded, blurred the lines of discernment, and failed to clearly understand. Well, I really dont know, so all I can do is, pray. pray. pray. I will pray. and pray that close proximity would not discount discernment, affection would not lead to misunderstanding and love would be pure. Cos’, really if God is most important, what would losing or rather letting go of something so precious mean- if He meant it for my own good? sure, easy to say, and heartache and heartbreak, perhaps crying would come along, but what would that compare to the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ, or loving God better. so let heartache come, if it necessary. let it come, I dare not choose the worldly state that I would be in, let me let God be God.

of late nights:

4ams are the most beautiful times to walk around the campus. peaceful, quiet, and stars as perfect company. I am in severe lack of sleep. I will survive this treacherous week. just one more week to go, of pain, of tired eyes, of eye bags, of at least 3 cups of coffee per day. I am almost there.