we were talking.
February 7, 2010 
I had a conversation with a dear friend today and this was it’s contents:
“But you are brave and independent”
“I am quite insecure, you know?”
“but your wanting to try is more than your insecurity right?”
“yes… the most go there and cry”
“YOU ARE SO BRAVE”
“If i never try, I’ll never know if I can take it.”
that’s my brave friend and an insecure me in action.
your bravery, has inspired me.
You’d be in my heart.<3
18Jan2009; Written for Elizabeth Seah.
Original Recording: Abigail Han :]
Though you are far away from me
You are right here in my heartthere’s alot I want to tell you
But that’d we’ll wait till we’re together again
I think about you everyday
It’s like you’re right here next to me
I say a prayer for you before I sleep
I hope you’d have same sweet dreams as me
And I hope that you’re doing well
You’re dearly missed I hope you know
I hope you’d have brighter days
That rainbow rays will come your way
I look out there I see the snow
I dream you’re right here freezing up with me
But you’re in the tropics, I’m in the cold
Thinking about your love makes me go OH
oh…..
And I know we’re going to be apart for a while…
but please know you’d be in my heart,
I’d be thinking of you.. thinking of you
Consume me from the inside out.
Do you know what you are saying when you sing:
“My heart and my soul;
I give you control,
consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
become my embrace,
to love you from the inside out”
It means this:
God heats up the furnace 7 times over to melt the cold iron heart in suffering. It means suffering. not because I am a masochist and that I absolutely love pain, but because I understand too well sometimes the tendencies of my sinful nature. And the very fact that God has to refine me through the fire so that I can be more like Christ and rid me of all those specks of sin that manifests itself albeit sometimes in the most disgusting way possible.
when I sang the song last night, I didnt quite get it till I listened to desiringgod.org/live today, tuning in to the Pastor’s Conference and while I read tweets from the people at the conference and hear about what suffering really means. I kinda back away abit in fear- suffering, I dont want that, I tell myself. but then I remember that to be more like Christ, I would have to endure whatever that comes along my way and believe and trust with all my heart that my good Father above knows what I can bear and that everything happens for my good, because He is sovereign over everything. I can throw a tantrum, and I know sometimes I do, but I pray that as suffering comes along its way, I’d respond appropriately, knowing that everything can change but He’ll still remain.
Issues and Happenings
Mondays are ironic.
I awake to John piper & running & cinnamon rolls and then head to Spanish class to deal with disappointing blows from helplessness and disappointments that kick me right into a rut and I feel I take a long time to climb out from, but I manage to anyway, I return to the room, open my email to find great joy in receiving exciting emails from people I love very much back home! I received 2 emails from 2 specific people that made me smile real wide: their sincere encouragement and sharing their lives with me makes feel part of them, because I now know how I can pray for them, effectively! :] most of all, their sharings has led me to see how much God has grown them over the past year (2009) and I am confident will continue to grow them in the coming of the rest of the year (2010). They chase monday blues away (thanks, B & J!) And then watch a song by mel on facebook made me want to cry: “All at once, the world can overwhelm me there’s almost nothing you could tell me that could ease my mind“. This described perfectly my monday morning caught up between emotions– and then remembering what I read during QT and the sermon I listened to when I was running: God’s assurance and His love. I ask myself how do I respond to this shifting emotions and Monday Blues?
I respond in Praise and Thanksgiving.
for what is and what is not, for what I could be and what I currently am, for whoever God brings and whoever God does not, for whatever could be and whatever is- I thank the Lord. In every way, He has been exceedingly merciful. & He has given much more than I could ever need. I trust in Him. I pray I will grow more and more in this sweet trusting. There is nothing like being in a position of trust- the feeling is almost unexplainable. it’s amazing. I dont want to be anywhere else but in this trusting relationship with God.
&then skype with sara (yayness) and following a whole lot of events that were quite amusing!
Sundays are eyeopening.
Went to church and was blown away by everything. By just a gazillion million thoughts and awakenings in my mind. God has opened my eyes to so many things! Especially during Sunday School when we were discussing the Sermon on the Mount, and talking about immigrants, but most importantly how we are treating people God has allowed in our lives. and then was slapped left and right by Revolution of Love, a book I am currently reading by George Werner. So many good thinklings! i had to scribble them down over lunch and give thanks to God for such precious thoughts. and am working on how I can work these enlightenments out. will share in time to come! :]
Saturdays are lovely.
Of Singaporeans & Cooking:
They came over, again. It’s like our weekly routine and we feasted like kings and queens. The menu was: curry chicken, bakchoy, rice, bakkuteh and eggs. Well, you might not think its that fantastic. but IT WAS AMAZING. it tasted so good, I ate leftovers today and it was like DELICIOUSSSSS. :]
Of Blueberry Muffins and Cinnamon Rolls:
Blueberry muffins!
I baked them on wednesday, actually. I think they are amazing. Blueberry muffins make everyone’s day. It makes me happy to just distribute food to everybody and make them happy! which was what I did. and it was just delightful!
softcore
My first attempt with yeast. They were so soft when they came out of the oven! I think they are really nice, for a first attempt! I burned them just abit but the korean guys on my floor were nice to help me remove them before they became inedible!
I wish I was home baking for people back home- but WELL, if you ‘d like me to send stuff, I could! well, I could try! :]
I have officially entered into 5th week of school: it’s gonna be a rollercoaster of a week, but I’d survive. :]
Everlasting word: The Truth
Hold Fast the Word
Hold fast to it for the sake of faith. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17).
Hold fast to it for the sake of your joy. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11).
Hold fast to it for the sake of your freedom. “If you abide in my word . . . and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32).
Hold fast to it for the sake of your holiness. “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17).
Hold fast to it for the sake of the Holy Spirit. “Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith” (Galatians 3:5)?
Hold fast to it for the sake of life. “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4).
Hold fast to it for the sake of strength and stability and fruitfulness. Your delight will be “in the law of the Lord, and on his law you will meditate day and night. You will be like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that you do you will prosper” (Psalms 1:2-3).
- John Piper
Who would like to keep me to Reading God’s word? :] and not READING, but HOLDING FAST, HOLDING TIGHT, HOLDING CLOSE.
i am only scratching the surface: AND I AM NOT SATISFIED.
jaded, or not.
Sometimes doubt that prayer changes things. I wonder if I’ve grown jaded. but everyday I have to remind myself that my good Father in Heaven listens to my prayers, every single one of them. He listens to them even when I cry over them and think that they wont be heard. Prayers and tears often come together, especially regarding things that difficult to pray about. or even things that have hurt the heart. but today, I opened my inbox and was pleasantly surprised with a note from a friend I hold oh so dear to my heart. (did you know that you are precious to me?) I remembered the tears i cried when I prayed for her, I remembered the days I was troubled i didnt know what to do. I remembered having to deal with this non-talking situation which was really difficult for a someone who needs to talk to everyone and cant have anyone not talk to me at all. I remembered all of that: and now I know, God is faithful to answer my prayer. The timing was not right during that time, I had to wait through the discomfort- but He worked nevertheless, in your life to show me that HE is God and that He is in control- in every circumstance. Just as He taught you, He taught me much through the experience too.
prayer works, really.
Even when timing is not ideal: He answers, when He pleases
Becos’ HE IS GOD.
I am no longer jaded.
I’ve gotten a new perspective on prayer and am so thankful. This answered prayer is going into my answered prayer piggy bank to remind me during days when I try to convince myself that He doesnt hear me. He does, even when he doesn’t answer.
GOOGLE VOICE, FAIL.
SO I installed google voice on my phone in hope that the voicemails people leave me would come to me in text form. Google voice does that for me. so someone leaves a message, they interpret it and send it to me in a text form. but it is obviously not working because today….
bobo called and said: “Hello abby, this is Deborah.. I am done with lab”
and google voice sends me a message saying: “So anyways them behind. I’m Dennis, Deb radiator bye hi.”
this is hilarious. but at the same time proves that perhaps, I shouldnt be relying on such technology.
Persistent Prayer.
Persistent prayer is the demonstration of faith in God who, while at times may delay His answers, will always act decisively and justly with respect to His people.
This is my God, and I will not stop praying.
For those at home.
I know I havent quite shown photos of the place that I call home, here. :] so here goes.
desk.
my very cluttered desk. But I like it anyhow. check out the second shelf- its filled with baking stufffff! (:
My bed!
More on facebook, do check it out. :]
Distance can’t keep praying hearts apart.
I am eternally grateful because I know these precious sisters in christ love me abundantly by offering to pray even when they are so far from me. If I survive trials, pain and testing, and I know I will, it is partly because these friends I hold so dearly to my heart at home who have prayed much for me. This is love known to me that causes fuzzywuzzy warm feelings in me to arise, but more than that, gives me confidence to face what is ahead- because they who walk alongside my struggling have pledged to pray, though they might not fully understand. my friends: faithful, loving, trustworthy.. & my God?- all of that and more, because He has placed them carefully in my life. This is how I know that hope is real and that I can be certain of what I do not see. loves does this. Love protects.
