think tank. « Agape: God’s unfailing love<3

The importance of security.

Posted On October 16, 2008

In quiet reflection, I’ve come to learn the importance of security for the individual in an uncertain and insecure world. and my heart I quietly hum the words:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

all other ground is sinking sand.

& I realised that whether an individual is secure and sure, it shows all-round, in the things said, in the way things are done. I pray that my security will now and forevermore be found in Christ, and that everything else will be sinking sand.

We cannot live for the now, we must live for the future.

And this security and certainty gives much hope for the future. So says Stuart McAllister in Slice of Infinity:

What does it mean to be the people of God? What is our calling and
mission? How then must we live? We need to embody the Christian
story and virtues in our lives and lifestyles. If we seek the heart of
Christ for a way forward, those who follow in his way can be a most
effective apologetic. But how we live is as vital as what needs to be
said. The relational component of truth needs to be held together with
propositional presentations. The power of community, rootedness, and
story need to be explored, shared, and communicated to the world.

As followers of Christ, we must recover hope, model hope, and give hope,
for we offer the “now” and the “not yet” of the kingdom. We offer a rich
history, a hopeful present, and the best of futures:
Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ shall come again.

& even when environmental influences seem so strong and compelling to conform, I pray my security in Christ would anchor my life, shape the way I think and teach me how I should treat others. I want nothing else more than this. Everything else can go, but not this. No, not this time.

okay, back to coffee-drinking and paper-writing. : D

I talked to Bernice:

Posted On October 11, 2008

Filed under Random musings, think tank.

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and a flood of bad secondary school memories flood my head-

And I remember how I was denied a chance to compete just because I laughed too much and didn’t put on that serious face. or how some thought I was flighty because I was spunky and did my own thing, my own way. I was angsty that they pretty much didnt see the potential in me. & it drove me crazy because I didnt want to change the way that I am just to yearn the opportunity to do certain things.

Then I remembered what you said:

” I love your exuberance!”

and that was the most encouraging thing about my character that someone else had said to me.

and I remembered another you and when you said:

“This is your strength, use it to your advantage”

and that was when I was affirmed of who I am.

to both of you (and many others who came after secondary school times and secured my shaky, almost on the break-down identity) , and have more or less shaped who I am today-

Well, Thank you.

and thank you, bernice- for reminding me of how much God has blessed me when He sent these people into my life to remind me of who I am, and appreciate me just the way Abby is.

The power of words:
make or break, you decide.

and, Hope.

Posted On October 7, 2008

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Hope in mortal man is futile;
But Hope in God does not ever disappoint.

Micah 7:7-

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.

Sometimes, you shouldnt have too high an expectation out of other people. It gets disappointing. Not only in the fact that sometimes you get hurt, and also that sometimes you get upset that you cant even fulfill that expectation but yet expect someone else to do it.

Expectations should be kept in the heart and written in the journal not for anyone else to see or hear. Only then when they are not met, you deal with it yourself and no one else knows.

we cannot rely on man and relationships;
it gets to vulnerable, breakable, awkward and weird.

or well, at least I know I cant rely on man:
sometimes, I dont even trust myself.

Show love and give of yourself,
but never expect that the same standard would be reciprocated.

you will be so heartbroken,
oh no, I will be so heartbroken.

I’m putting my hope in God,
and therein lies full security and certainty.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

Riverfront Regatta: Hartford CT

Posted On October 5, 2008

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The race was overwhelming.

And I sit in my room, clean and nice-smelling, enjoying a cup of apple-cinnamon hot tea after being out in the cold for almost the whole day and screaming my lungs out on water. It was one amazing eye-opener.

My boat gave it their all- rowing with all their might and strength. My hat’s off to them, their hands and their powerful legs. The day was amazing– just watching all the other boats compete and having my hair braided by Emma! (She really is wonderful!)

I contemplate and tell myself repeatedly that I want to be a God-loving Coxswain. It puzzles me on how I can do that. And I remember Ngiap Tai– because Mel always tells me how encouraging a coach he is, and I want to be that- firm and encouraging, God-loving and having my Christian identity guide the way I say things, the way I control my team, the way I lead.

I need to pray.

and I must go write my emails now! oh gosh, so many people to email and so many emails to reply. lovely lovely people.

Random, Random thoughts;

Posted On October 2, 2008

Filed under think tank.

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I dont know why but I just volunteered my services to teach students from the Calc 1 class who are struggling with calculus. I have no idea, I just thought I should, be helpful.

After today’s political philosophy class, I cannot understand why Singapore prides itself in being a meritocratic society- because I believe, that it is definitely not. based on the very fact that not everyone is rewarded justly by how much effort they put in, because definitely the outcome of the effort varies due to the deviant exceeding naturalistic abilities of some. (based on Hayek’s claims)

Would you like to come to my First Race that I am going to Cox at Hartford, CT?

I am so excited about our prautes and phobos (greek for gentleness and reverance) book review blog; quoting Ailing:

“We were strangers to each other but now we are part of the redeemed family of God.

Our common faith binds us togther.
Our common interest to read & write leads us to express our love for our common Saviour, Christ Jesus.
Our common goal is to live for His glory.“

I must now think about what I want to write for my first entry.

Melissa Chan, tell me about spain!

I have the sudden urge to eat stir-fried chye sim and sambal kangkong with a bowl of salty-tofu soup from sin hoi sai. I was thinking about that through philosophy class!

I want to go for Jen’s wedding in North Carolina come next summer!

Tonight’s the vice presidential debate- should I go watch it at Cathy’s or hang out at Linda’s watching Batman 2!

Love is patient, Love is kind and is not jealous.

I’m planning my first trip to New Jersey come December to shop in ultimate premium outlets with Qianhui! We’re going to rent our first car and drive around before I go home!

Next Monday is my 19th Birthday. I am so old, so old.

I was walking around campus and thinking how this experience of homesickness– which I survived! (I really did, I dont feel so homesick now) would teach me how to leave home now. I plan to travel the world in the duration of this 4 years of my youth that I have dedicated to give to studying in a brilliant college. I want to go Japan come next summer to intern!

& for that matter of fact, now that life is getting more and more exciting– I want my quiet days back.

And I am going for dinner with Jen tonight! (: Lest I lose some more weight. When you’re eating with someone you like, its cool, the conversation makes food appetizing.

Keep me Strong, Keep me near.

Posted On September 30, 2008

Filed under I believe., think tank.

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Psalm 40.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. ^[a]

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced ^[b] , ^[c] ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll. ^[d]

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.”

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
“The LORD be exalted!”

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

Cherish(ing)

Posted On September 18, 2008

Filed under I believe., People I love, think tank.

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After reading this,

I feel so compelled to write something back to you, Stephanie.

Firstly, thank you. I know and remember all the storms we weathered for the past 7 years of our teenage life. We have been friends for 7 years!- through both the good and bad- It’s been so long and it has been unbelievable. It’s mind-blowing.

So to cut the long mushy talk short- Thank you, I love you and I cherish you. And thank you for reminding me that I can still be an influence by being myself!

After reading this,

All I want to say to you Shu hua is: “You will always be my Shu Hua.” Through the good and the bad, I will stand by you, I will still share with you what I strongly believe in, I will help you- only because you are so one-of-a-kind, and because you are you.

And what better way to show love to these lovely people but to pray for them when I am so far away from home: You are in my prayers. I trust my God that He will protect you and keep you, bless you and be with you.

I thank My God that He has graciously allowed friendships like these (and others too!) to flourish and grow, without Christ as the center-piece, our friendships would have been full of only ourselves. but because God redeemed us, can we move towards loving each other with the love of Christ- and for this I thank God, with my whole heart.

Oh, how can I say thanks.

Raises hand!

Posted On September 16, 2008

Filed under think tank.

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I have a question:

How would I know how to make a decision through prayer and the reading of scripture? to what extent does that change the decisions I make every single day? And how much prayer and how much reading of scripture is sufficient?

I wish You could tell me.

So I know I wouldn’t be making all the wrong moves.

I have a question for you, you and you;
Would you allow me to even begin to ask?

So maybe I havent been thinking enough,
but yet I’ve been thinking so much I cant even make a simple decision.

Now, what’s my problem?!

Everyday I spend time thinking-

Posted On August 27, 2008

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Today, my drifting thoughts still revolve around people. Its so central that I have to think about relationships everyday. My thinking time now has been alloted to me because I was forced to do the laundry in an effort to train me. So cheers to laundry time, because it has given me time to actually sit by myself and think.

So I was wondering how fascinating the dynamics of a relationship can be, how it can change and how it can grow over time. And a relationship takes so much out of a person, it gets tiring, but I think it’s worth it. Well then, does absence really make the heart grow fonder? or it just makes 2 individuals drift further from each other. and how much time should I spend with a person so I’d show that I’m making effort to get to know the person better and not being just dismissive? and how much care and concern should I show so that I wouldn’t be overly-intrusive? How should I read someone’s care and concern for me? ( i have so many questions, it kills the brain cells.)

I wonder and hope that the friendships I have won’t be one-sided. That’ll be just sad- but how would I know anyway. (tell me if you will.) And sometimes, you can’t really control the speed at which the friendship grows, you’d have to attribute that to God.

So maybe I should pray;
okay, I will pray.

We’re going to the farm;
and I really feel like going to sleep.

Brain food.

Posted On August 27, 2008

Filed under think tank.

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I remember today consisting largely of time spent sleeping (because I was so exhuasted after the freezing cold swim) as well as thinking as I drift in between consciousness and sub-consciousness. And in between my 2 largest activities of the day were the little stuff like a trip to the organic farm and dwelling in the hot tub.

I spent alot of time sleeping only because I guess I havent gotten over the horrible jetlag or because last week’s lack of sleep just poured all over to this week. I sleep everywhere, in the car, in the room, in between meals, on the table, on the couch. and now, I’m so wide awake, it’s horrible. I’m going to take drowsy medicine to make myself sleep.

I spent alot of time thinking because alot of things were running through my mind. I was thinking about how to arrange the schedule for school so that I can skype people back home. I was thinking how I should be when I meet my school-mates on friday. I was thinking why I’m here and not back home. I was thinking about the future. I thought about people.

Largely, I was thinking about people and their idiosyncrasies. and wondered to myself the vast differences. I realised today, that when reacting to different people, I’d have to take different approaches. And most importantly that nurturing a friendship takes time, and growth requires patience. Rushing may make or break, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I never thought it’d be that difficult, but because I am defending my testimony, I guess the things I say, do and even think would matter. (Time to grow up, Abigail) Sometimes, Its too tiring to dissect relationships like that, but without spending time to really think about what I should say or do to the person- Maybe when the time comes, I’d do the wrong thing.

Another thing I realised was how important a person’s life philosophy is at shaping how a person behaves and the things a person says in a conversation. “Do or die”, “One life, live it”, “Be brave, just take the jump”, “Be only afraid of an unlived life”, “Carpe Diem, Seize the day”. “live each day as it’s last”-And even though these life philosophies take a positive slant, I believe they dont parallel biblical teaching. So once upon a time Abigail who subscribed to these seemingly positive philosophies about life, will give them all up now.

So take your carpe diem, one life, live it and live each day as it’s last- I’m founding my life philosophy on God’s unchanging word: “To Live is Christ and to Die is Gain.” Only then I can be positively sure I’m heading heavenward, and living just a portion of heaven, here.

Agape: God’s unfailing love<3

The importance of security.

I talked to Bernice:

and, Hope.

Riverfront Regatta: Hartford CT

Random, Random thoughts;

Keep me Strong, Keep me near.

Cherish(ing)

Raises hand!

Everyday I spend time thinking-

Brain food.

friends&loves

respected.

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