Strength. ok, I lied, I need black black black coffee too & lunch.
I am having black black black coffee and I had oreo for lunch.

and all I need now is to kill all my work and get it insanely done.

Dreaming: in the shower; is where i build my dreams. In the bedroom; is where i present my dreams, kneeling before His throne.- orangelovesabby on twitter 15 hours ago. (yes thats me.)

I am tired and sick. not the happiest person in the world, but in this heart there’s unspeakable joy that knows that this really isn’t the end of the world. well, these few days, I’ve spent time dreaming. and really re-thinking what I want to do with this life: dont misunderstand, I still want to stay in college. but well, in my mind I have conjured up the wildest plans- that if you know abigail through and through, she would not do that at all. because abigail is singaporean. but still, these dreams stay, and everyday I cant help but wonder why I had been so narrow minded and adamant about the future just 3 months ago. maybe now, things are changing, and I dont want to stand resolute and stubborn, I want to bend with the wind and the opportunities that might come my way, and continue to… well uhm, dream.

& I have a whirlwind of ideas. but I know I must go- go to that throne, bow and pray & pray & pray. and then hope, and realign, and be shaped and molded, until God’s dreams becomes mine. and if God’s and mine coincide, perfect & great, but if they dont. I pray with all my heart that I will not hold on so tightly to my dreams & hopes and that I would let go.

but for the moment, its back to the drawing board of praying and thinking and of seeking wisdom.

It’s rather exciting. and at age 20, I’ve never been excited and exhilarated by such dreams before. If you’d like to pray for me, tell me.. and I’ll share these splendid dreams with you. because I want to hear wisdom too. :]

God’s word that satisfy more than ever, serves as a good reminder, a rebuke, because, because- my thoughts have been like the Israelites, unsatisfied with all that’s given to me. when I have little, I wonder when God would give. and when He gives, I wonder why He gave too much that now I have to deal with what He has given.

Because my heart speaks thoughts that are exactly like the Israelites:

²All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! ³ Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” ⁴ And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”

My heart is sinfully ungrateful, and I feel angry, because I struggle to know that what my God gives is enough. Just enough for me, and wonderfully good for me. And I wonder to myself why would I ever want to “go back to Egypt” like the Israelites, is who God is and what God has done enough? and then I was timely rebuked, timely reminded, timely refreshed:

Proverbs 30:7-9

⁷ “Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:

⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.

⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

Oh God I trust that what you give to me, is enough, is what I need, is my daily bread.

My first class was Statistics. When the professor said: “Statistics is an art, there is no certainty and most answers are: ‘it depends’”, I immediately felt like shooting myself. I took stats for the math. So if you’re going to take out my certainty and the peaceful perfection I find in numbers, then ”WHY TAKE STATS?!”

because, its a course requirement.

and after seeing that the textbooks cost only about 127 USD, I feel like shooting myself all over again.

On a light note, Check out the cool places I want (AND AM GOING ) to visit. :] my travel plans.

hot tomyum magi mee for a cold, rainy, less than perfect day with more than overwhelming workload.

What better way to remember my beloved secondary school class than to play Jolin Tsai’s Shou Ai Ni on my itunes and sort of remember how to dance to the dance we did only about 4 years ago. 

Life has changed, and I miss my girls so much.

good times :]

“]

happy birthday!

I LOVE YOU! :] my have-boyfriend-must-tell-me, when-you-get-married-i-want-to-be-your-bridesmaid, i-want-to-be-the-godma-of-your-kids and accountability friend! 

dont forget our date when I come home! <3

<3

happy birthday isabel : D
i love you kid sister
even when you come to my room with all your litter
and take all my thing away when Im gone
and destroy my things till everything’s torn
oh, you’re surprised I know?
thats why you call me da jie, y’know.
but anyhow, I love you mighty much
I thank God for your touch
though I didnt get to choose you
nor did you get to choose me too!
but thank God we’re sister
because we can go to each other’s room and litter!
I’m coming home soon!
to see you and bertha act like toons
I miss that oh too much
it makes me go on a crutch.
May you grow to love God more
may God give you courage like a mighty lion’s roar
may He bless you plenty 
so that you will not be spiritually scanty.
love you dude
even though you dont look like a toot.

sisterly love
came from above. 
<3

my first halloween holiday saw me dressing up as a ninja and trick and treating the night away!
later to return back and watch HIGHLANDER with the girls: worst movie ever.
and afterward interpretative dance to QUEEN music at the TV area.
so much candy lying in the room now with mega unglam photos on facebook.

t’was fun though. :]

As doubt creeps into my heart and I hear myself questioning and asking why I made this decision to leave home,

I remember what you said to me when I asked you a critical question doubting myself and when I was almost breaking down:

You said:

I will support you.

It drove tears to my eyes. Despite my mistakes: petty or grave, I know I can count on you to rebuke me when necessary, listen to me, uplift me and share with me. I know I can trust you, so thank you.

And as I constantly think about all the foolish mistakes and decisions I made, I remember your words which are not empty at all.

I ask myself when I will actually begin to make decisions that reflect my eternal citizenship or my pledged allegiance:

where do I go from here?

I woke myself up at 6 today. Though I set the alarm to 6.30AM. I think, thinking about home makes me wake up early. Last night as I sat on my bed, I figured, that since I already left home, I shouldnt be feeling miserable about home. I’d allow myself to miss everyone at home, though. (: If I’m here, then I want to make use of the time I spent here (well, there’s only one life!)

Last night I left my bible on my laptop deliberately to remind myself that I will do nothing else but spend time  alone with God first. I’m glad that I did just that, cos admiring the lovely scenary outside the house just reminded me that the God that fashioned the trees and flowers, is the God that cares for me. (: If I want to get anything out of leaving home, it’ll be to know my Creator and Saviour better and to love Him more- above all other things.

Im glad for the time difference between Singapore and here. When I pray at night for events and people, the events have not yet come into realization, but when I wake up I can pray again to thank God for all that He’s provided for the events I prayed for. (: I’m glad it’s like that- so I thank God for the opportunity to pray.

I know I’m still sound and grounded now, but I’ll continue to pray I’ll stay this way for the 4 years I’m away from everything familiar (and of course the rest of my life!).

Please keep me in check.