alcoholism was addressed during new student week today, and I would say that my general emotion is disappointment. It’s all good that they’re making effort to make known that the abuse of alcohol during school parties is highly dangerous to an individual. However, they failed to get straight to the point and hammer it in: the intake of alcohol under the age of 21 in the USA is illegal. It is against the law.

period.

It is against the law. This was mentioned once in the presentation and the presentation went on to discuss other things like what is the appropriate use of alcohol on campus. It’s sad to know that instead of enforcing the truth that it is against the law, the college attempts to provide only solutions to when an underaged student abuses/uses alcohol. No doubt that in the case of alcohol abuse, the college should provide necessary support systems to make sure the student is cared for or sent to the hospital. I just felt that so much time was spent assuring that students who abuse alcohol would only get a talk with the dean, reported but not necessarily remembered under school records. I don’t think im advocating for the fact that a more serious penalty should be given for alcohol abuse or the use of alcohol by those underaged. I just think that there should be emphasis on the fact that using alcohol under the age of 21 in the USA is against the law. The lack thereof simply sends the message that: “it’s ok to drink under 21 on campus, just be safe and don’t ever get caught“. Are we prepared to suffer the consequences of sending out such a message? I think the consequences can be drastic.

The scary part is not knowing the truth but the fact that we subtly conceal the truth, sometimes.

We complain about everything. And at the heart of complaining is blame. We like to blame others, other than ourselves, blame almost everything else.

Increasingly I find myself becoming like that. The more I intern, the more I complain. While journaling yesterday morning, I realized that the hardest thing for me not to do is to not complain. Complaining reveals a heart of ungratefulness. It was humbling to know that though seemingly there is so much to complain about, God has given me so much to be thankful for too.

I bury my complains in the dust. There is nothing to complain about because my God has provided abundantly enough. Though the long hours take a toll on my young body (maybe not so young anymore!), I thank God for youth. To be able to do this job without having backaches or feeling too tired the next day.

Today promises to be a new day says psalm 118:24: this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Yesterday’s clouds have gone away. Yesterday’s complains and blames are buried in the dust.

All I want to do today is to be grateful. No complains, best I can, shall come out from these lips. It begins now: God, thank you for allowing me to get out o bed this morning and to be reminded of psalm 118:24.

Teach me to have a thankful heart. Cos’ a servant’s heart is one that’s always thankful.

Theologians for centuries have distinguished between attrition and contrition when it comes to repentance. Attrition is simply acknowledging wrongdoing for fear of the consequences you might experience. In that sense it is external only. Contrition, on the other hand, is not primarily concerned with the consequences I might face for my wrong doing. It is primarily concerned with the fact that I have sinned against God. Like David expresses in Psalm 51, “Against you and you only I have sinned, Oh God.”

In the light of everything, I thank God for individuals who would aggressively force me to think harder, push me to the end, grab my hand and stare hard and questioningly at everything I thought I had control over. I am challenged beyond measure. half my spiritual body’s shedding old skin and the other half wants to remain as it is, indulgent in the temporary and unworthy benefits of persisting in sin. Apparently I want to run away because of these pressures, good albeit, but I think I’d rather not. I need to persist.

It’s like getting rid of stage 4 terminal stomach cancer.

It’s a friend like that I want, God-willing, to keep for life;  I thank God for you.

Memorizing Psalm 23

The kids at Sunday School are absolutely adorable. Today I sat in to a primary 4 sunday school class. They memorized psalm 23 in class today, and I did so with them. Towards the end of the class the teacher asked: Which verse of psalm 23 is your favorite and why?

Best friends Dana and Alicia amazed me with their childlike faith. (besides being absolutely cute by wearing the same shirt that says “My friend” to church)

Dana: “Verse 2 says – He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters. This is my favorite verse because it tells me that God takes care of me.”
Alicia: “The part where it says ‘He restores my soul’, because when I am weary God gives me rest.”

It’s like in a 1 hour class, these kids have taught me what it means to have childlike faith in God and to just trust. Wonderfully amazing how God can speak to me, even through these young souls.

Psalm 119:16
I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word

9am: Bible-study bright and early sets me thinking about the perspectives I have on God’s word.
10am: I am wondering why I haven’t put more effort into studying God’s word
10:30am: I am fascinated at the nuggets of gold I discover from the study of James
10:45am: I resolve in my heart to study God’s word in depth.

I wonder why I think that God’s word might be dull or boring. I hate to think that I used to think so a few years ago. After seeing and savoring for myself that it is truly refreshing to study God’s word, there are still moments I found myself lazy. Today was one of those days that deemed lazy to study God’s word as a pathetic excuse. I lament that I am sinful and sometimes dislike having to discipline myself to sit down and just read and study God’s word. It’s like my brain has no capacity some times, or rather refuse to have the capacity.

I saw God’s word today as His very own love letter to us. It speaks so boldly of Man’s utter failure, disappointments, hurts and a myriad of other emotions. It talks about sin at it’s worst, condemningly disgusting. But also speaks so hopefully and wonderfully of God’s love manifested in His son Jesus Christ. The word bears God’s breath. Sometimes I wonder why I refuse to read it.

It’s like when you’re in love, you want to savor every moment you whip out the letter sent to you by your lover. Analyse every word and phrase making sure that you understood everything he said, not missing out a single point and applying every part that is required. I hope I’ll view God’s word in such a manner, savoring every moment I spend with it. I will fail sometimes when something else might seem more interesting: playing guitar, singing, sports, relationships, people. But I pray I’d grow to love the word so much more in time to come. Because everytime I read it, it’s like I merely scratch the surface, and that, is such a waste.

I thank God for his encouraging words. Being a musician who needs to pick up everything from start again has been extremely difficult. I struggle everyday with giving up. Sometimes when I lose sight of why I began this journey, what keeps me going is not God’s approval or glory, but the fact that my parents are forking out alot of money for these music lessons and theory classes. It gets strenuous sitting still and figuring out all the music theory or even frustrating when I can’t seem to get singing my song right. After reading Bob Kauflin’s blog, I decided to pose some questions.

I asked (in short) :

What do you define as musical talent and how much effort must be put in to develop such talent or lack of it?

He replied my email

Thanks for asking this question, and thanks for your encouraging words!

From what you describe, I’d pursue developing your musical abilities as long as you find joy in it and you’re able to serve others with them. If you have to practice to the point if affects other priorities, affects your attitude negatively, or tempts you to anxiety, it’s not only not worth it, but can be a sin issue.

God means practicing to be something we enjoy because of the good fruit it results in for his glory. As long as you’re not striving to be in a particular position, but rather just seeking to serve others and enjoy what you’re doing musically, I think you’ll be fine.

His words encouraged me incredibly. For the longest time I’ve been seeking musicians to help me in this area of music and I had so many questions bubbling inside, and I thank God He sent people to answer them :] other friends.. and then Bob Kauflin. I have utmost respect for this godly man. Not because he produces really good songs like The Gospel Song, Let your Kingdom come and I Will Glory in My Redeemer, but because though so musically talented, he humbly uses his gift to serve the Church – and that encourages me – his humility.

I pray that I will continue to meditate upon what God says in His word about worship and music and may who God is in my life shape the way I look at the music I create. May it be all for His glory.

While thinking this morning, I lament the things I write on this blog, on my tumblr as well as on twitter. Sometimes I realized that my twitter is used as ranting grounds – when I am angry, irritated, upset, happy, elated – Twitter.com is the first place to go. It’s like broadcasting my life but failing to glorify God in the broadcasting. What then is the purpose of my life? – to glorify myself? to let others know that I have good friends that hang out with me, that I had a good time, that I am angry and upset? This is not a glorifying act at all. I want to use this space to please God, to use my twitter to honor God and my tumblr to praise Him. No doubt, not being flawless, I still fail sometimes, hoping to want to feed my emo-ness or my displeasure about certain people/things, but I pray these online domains that I own would be used for God’s glory instead. But I am only human. Though with this basis, I would then begin to think twice when I am tempted to tweet something or post something that does not serve the purpose of sharing what God has done in my life, proclaiming Christ or encouraging another brother/sister. May these be kept for the private journal I bring around wherever I go or in the heart – for me to face it square in the face with God. I feel that my online domains do not do justice to the things I write in my journal. There is a huge discrepancy and I find that such a great pity. It does not mean that I will from now on pour out my heart here though.

I watched the advertisement for this year’s desiringgod national conference and felt encouraged. I hope that I would be able to attend it!

Its about thinking & the mind – just what I need in a season like this. Emotions play a vital part in loving God too, because it says to love your Lord and God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. But now I think I need to love God with my thoughts and mind, so that my mind would be able to tell my emotions and heart what I should do, or rather to feel, to love God in the right way.

1) to rediscover things that are lost
2) to have a lil’ fun
3) to commune with the One above

Time alone is of essence. & Wont be doing any communication until really necessary. & only prior appointments made before the birth of project alone would still hold and will be fulfilled – as promised. Most importantly, no expectations at all.

Let’s see where life takes me :]

This lasts till I think Project Alone should end – which might take some time.